Hello, we have ourselves a great weekend in store. A lot of low spreads which means that office pools are going to have all sorts of either or games which makes this whole process so dang fun. Anyways, here are my winners below. I know I had a rough week, maybe don’t follow my lead but read anyways because I put out funny stuff, have a good weekend!!!
JUST GOING TO BED IN VEGAS WINDOW
ravens -3 over PATRIOTS
Let’s start off with one of my best bets of the week. The Patriots do not have the fire power to exploit the Purple birds weaknesses on the back end. I also want to add that the Lamar Jackson looks like awesome vintage Lamar Jackson which means that Matt Patricia is going to… wait a minute Matt Patricia coaches the offense? Oh my goodness I did not expect that to be in the Sunday’s funnies.
Ravens win 28-16
bills -5.5 over DOLPHINS
This is not on my best bets list and that is only because of the injuries on the back end for the Bills. Otherwise, the NFL version of Juggernaut would almost be a lock to hammer a good but not great Dolphins team which certainly has the fighting Josh Allen’s attention. I am slightly concerned about the Hyde and Poyer injuries here but the Bills are rolling too much, pass rush still a problem.
Bills win 37-20
bengals -6 over JETS
I should be scared that an 0-2 team is favored by six on the road but this has get right for Cincy written all over it. First off, the revamped offensive line struggled against the best two pass rushers in football. The Jets pass rush is threatening like a cartoon jet, more than an F-22 raptor. Plus it’s Joe Flacco, don’t overreact to last week’s weirdness, the Jets are still bad and Bengals need this.
Bengals Win 31-18
PANTHERS +2.5 OVER saints
Jameis Winston has a fractured back? That is not a good thing going against a good pass rush and an extremely desperate football team. The Panthers have lost on a 57 and a 58 yard field goal. If this happened even ten years ago Panthers players would need therapy but since kickers can kick the ball to the moon now it’s not that surprising. Panthers get their first W led by their defense.
Panthers Win 21-16
lions +6 over VIKINGS
This is all about the value baby. Vegas hasn’t caught onto the fact that the Lions are arguably the most improved team in the game (Trevor Lawrence may say hold mine and my Jags teammates beers). I feel like the Vikings might be better but only slightly which means I’m getting 2 to 3 free points. Lions control the clock and game but still somehow lose late because well it’s still the LIons.
Vikings win 28-27 (Lions Cover)
COLTS +5.5 OVER chiefs
This might be my least favorite line of the week. The Chiefs are far better and the public is betting the Chiefs yet the line dropped a point from it’s release????? It’s the Jonathan Taylor element and I the Colts are desperate and matchup well with the Chiefs. I still have to take Mahomes and company to win outright as he always finds a way but the Colts show up for this game, health also matters.
Chiefs Win 31-27 (Colts cover)
TITANS +2.5 OVER raiders
Maybe this is my least favorite line of the week but do you take the team that just got embarrassed by blowout or the team that got embarrassed by having the biggest choke job (well outside of Cleveland) we’ve seen in years. I’m going to go with the team that is at home and just got blown out to recover quickly. Derrick Henry has to get going at some point right? This is the game it happens.
Titans Win 27-22
COMMANDERS +6.5 OVER eagles
I’ve watched football a ton over the years and it’s always the team that is getting smoke blown up their ass after a big win (ah the Vikings last week) that comes crashing down to Earth the following week. My pick for this week is the Eagles. The fighting football team has the personnel to make like a little uncomfortable for Jalen Hurts. Plus I’m betting on Carson Wentz revenge factor, yikes!!!
Commanders Win 27-24
texans +3 over BEARS
I’m saying this out loud for the world to hear. The Texans are better than the Bears and will prove it on Sunday. The Texans like to play cover 2 but I’d recommend them to play 8 in the box (which is not their style) against a team that is clearly not going to beat them over the top. Have Cooks and Pierce make a couple of big plays on offense and boom, team Tejas has a funny record of 1-1-1, and 1 for fun
Texans Win 19-14
WAKING UP IN VEGAS WINDOW
jaguars +7 over CHARGERS
I am believing in the Jags are improved/Justin Herbert is injured narrative for this game. Herbert is likely to play but even if he does how healthy and limited will he be. Plus I like the Jags ability to run the ball and make plays on play action. I think I can say with great confidence that Doug Pederson is a better NFL coach than Urban Meyer. What do you all think? Am I missing the mark here?
Chargers Win 27-24 (Jaguars Cover)
packers +1 over BUCS
Give me the bay here. I was just watching Colin Cowherd’s blazing 5 and I do not understand him picking Tampa in this game? Because Tom Brady doesn’t eat real food? Because he hates Aaron Rodgers body language? The Bucs injury report is longer that the toilet paper stuck in my trees outside. I don’t know why anyone would want to toilet paper my only tree outside, what did I do to deserve it?
Packers Win 24-21
falcons +1 over SEAHAWKS
Dare I say this, the Falcons should be favored in this game. They actually look like competent team thus far. Have weapons on offense (Kyle Pitts will be sighted on the field this week) and the Seahawks are as explosive on offense as snake (the firework snake not the reptile snake). Maybe my favorite bet on the board this week give me the dirty birds to win outright and easily, ka ka ka ka ka.
Falcons Win 28-17
CARDINALS +3.5 OVER rams
I am going against a weird trend here. The Rams have won 7 in a row in Arizona and last year was the first time since 2016 the Rams didn’t blow out the birds in the desert. The Cards have also lost 6 in a row at home. I’ll say both streaks end on Sunday as photos of Kyler Murray running away from Aaron Donald like a child that still mommy’s purse come to fruition, NFC West is going to be fun!
Cardinals Win 30-27
SUNDAY NIGHT!!
BRONCOS +1.5 OVER 49ers
I’m zagging here against public perception. But Drew Jimmy G is so handsome and see how much his teammates love him, they gravitate to him like a cockroach to spill sugar on the floor, just stop everyone, please. Nathaniel Hackett stays out of his own way somehow for three hours and Russell Wilson reminds NFC West fans that he’s still good at football, I picked Hackett oh god help me.
Broncos Win 24-20
MONDAY NIGHT!!!!!
GIANTS -1 OVER cowboys
Last time these teams met on a Monday night in Jersey there was a cat on the field. I guess there is a family of cats that live by the Giants/Jets stadium. Since the cliche of Cooper Rush being married to a cat lady because he’s a red head is offensive and unfounded I am going to take the Giants to win and cover in this game. Wait I’m taking Daniel Jones to start 3-0, I really do have a lot of problems!
Giants Win 22-19
This Week: 0-1
Last Week: 6-10
Season: 15-18